When you're not doing what you're made to do, it's heartbreaking to see others doing it. It's not that you don't want them to do it, but it's a painful reminder of where you aren't, like you've been left behind and you're not sure if anyone is coming back for you. Or is it just me?
I had hit so many roadblocks within myself and around me that seemed to be saying, "You can't be an artist. You don't practice enough. You're not creative enough. You've done it a long time, but there's not a place you fit." I believed the lies, but hit critical mass sitting in Studio West in Rancho Bernardo, listening to Shep Meyers playing piano at a live broadcast, and I fell in love with the piano all over again. It took me back to being four years old and being swept off my feet by those eighty eight keys. From that moment I've been on a creative journey back to pursuing my passion of music making and music teaching.
Along this road, I taught music at McKinley Elementary School, a job I landed on accident. Then I started the Teaching Credential/Master's program at Point Loma Nazarene University. At the end of the student teaching I got pregnant and have been raising my two littles while pursuing music very part-time. The past three and a half years of being a mama has been amazing and difficult. I'm meant to be mom to my kids, but I'm also meant to be pianist, singer, and teacher. Life balance has been in flux this summer, so that everyone in the family -- myself included -- gets what they need.
The Voice has become one of my favorite TV shows. The Sing-Off was so great, too, but it's no longer on the air. At least be got Pentatonix and a few other great singing groups from it. I loved watching these shows, but sometimes I would beat myself up because I wanted to pursue my dreams and I was still stuck in believing that my chance was over and there'd be no second chance. It was hard to watch the dreams of other people coming true, while mine seemed to be losing life. My husband would tell me to give myself some grace. It's not like I've done nothing, but it just seemed like not enough and never would be.
Six weeks ago I was in Palm Springs on a girls trip for my friend's birthday. I started talking with another friend and salon owner about what social media has done for her business, which turned into hours of talking about my business. My friends rallied around and supported me, and it was what I needed to believe in my dreams again. I committed to posting on Instagram once a day for my business, which has led to so much more happening. Following a teach on Instagram connected me Studio Expansion Planner, which opened me up to a community of studio owners who support each other. I can hardly believe that not even two months has gone by since then, and I'm in a totally different, better place. The business is growing, and I feel like I'm on the verge of the real grand opening. I'm blown away by what one decision has led me to.
On Friday night I went to see Fitz & the Tantrums, a "neo soul/indie pop" band based out of Los Angeles. It's the first show I've seen a while where I was excited for them without any feelings of inadequacy. Actually, I thought about interviewing them for my Podcast once I launch it, and thought about that for half the show. Now I believe that's going to happen, not like it's just a dream. Fitz & the Tantrums' second Album "More Than Just a Dream" gets its title from the album's first track and lead single, "Out of my League." The chorus lyrics are:
You were out of my league
All the things I believe
You were just the right kind
Yeah, you are more than just a dream
You were out of my league
Got my heartbeat racing
If I die don't wake me
'Cause you are more than just a dream
It's a great love song that's so true to life when you meet and fall for that person you can't believe really exists. It's also how I feel about this music life. I'm starting to see that it's more than just a dream; it's out of my league, but that doesn't mean it's going to out of reach forever. It's happening now, and it's exciting to watch in unfold.